All the small things
by Claire O'Mack
Summary: Some times its the little things that can get you down. and sometimes its the small things that can bring you back up again


A little story I just couldn't leave alone, takes place shortly after the events of the season three episode displaced. I was considering making this a J/C story and I am sure one day I will do one, but for now I am going to stick with what I know best. Please enjoy.

All the small things

It was the little things that had started to irk her, having been out in this godforsaken quadrant for over three years did that. The constant pressure of getting her crew home safely was starting to take its toll. But it was the small things which were starting to make her jaw ache from grinding her teeth. The chime at her ready room door, she was sure was set to a pitch which made her want to cover her ears. The tone of Chacotay's voice when he delivered his reports. Tuvok's raised eyebrow when she gave an order he was not entirely convinced by. Oh and the fact that she hadn't had a decent cup of coffee in four days. That one was the clincher; all these seemingly innocuous things would be bearable if she could just get her hands on a decent cup of java.

Tonight the bath wasn't doing it; she could feel the inside of her cheek thumbing with pain after she had chewed on it most of the day. Her tongue passed across the reddened area causing her to wince slightly. The scented oils she had placed in the tub before she climbed in rose around her now, but failed to calm her drumming heart. Her finger tapped out a meaningless rhythm on the porcine, until beaten and slightly pruned from the length of time she had been submerged, Kathryn Janeway rose from her attempted relaxation attempt and wrapped a towel around her body.

Stepping out of the tub carefully, for even though she wanted to march across the floor to let off some steam she was no fool. Slipping and falling in one's bathroom, naked was not what Kathryn needed right now. She only had to close her eyes and imagine the Doctor's face as he came in to her room, finding her unconscious and sprawled in a bath towel and surrounded by a puddle of water. The image made her grind her teeth again, this time however the movement caused her jaw to ache beyond what she could put up with and Kathryn stopped immediately.

Moving into the bedroom now, Kathryn knew trying to sleep would be pointless, she needed a way to unwind, that neither involved coffee nor hot water in anyway. Pausing at her wardrobe she finally pulled out a simple pair of slacks and a light purple shirt. Giving a final and slightly disdainful look back at her uniform Kathryn dried herself quickly and pulled on the fresh clothes. Not stopping to think too much she headed out of the door and climbed onto the turbo lift. Grateful that it was blissfully empty Kathryn lent back against the wall and tipped her head back until it made contact with the cool metal.

She pondered for a moment when this had all started, when all the small things had started too great on her to the point where she had been pacing her room at night instead of sleeping. As the turbo lift doors opened she realised it was when they had returned from being taken one by one until her entire crew had been replaced by aliens. For days after she had thought about her Starfleet training, how you should trust other species, welcome them and help them when you could. That time it had almost cost her, her ship and her crews only chance of returning home.

Being more suspicious and hostile somehow didn't appeal to her either though, and now as she headed through the ship she wondered if a happy medium was at all possible. Stopping at the closed doors Kathryn glanced down at the screen and saw that the holodeck was unoccupied. A small smile crept on to her face as she tapped in the program and entered the room. Looking around she immediately decided that this wasn't going to work. However pleasant and relaxing the Hawaiian beach program that Tom had invented was, it wasn't what she needed right now. Going back over to the control panel she had to scan through to find the program she wanted. It had not been accessed for some time, but at one point it had been everyone's favourite spot to unwind, even if it did contain annoying gigolos. Remembering this Kathryn asked the computer to remove such characters and started the programme. Watching the scene change before her eyes Kathryn allowed the tension in her neck to ease as the bar, dimly lit with a slight haze of smoke, and the ever present smell of stale beer came to life around her.

"Are Madame Janeway what a pleasure it is to see you again." The proprietor Sandrine said as she swaggered up to Kathryn and placed her hands on Kathryn's shoulders and led her to the bar. Kathryn felt her irritation rise once more and she quickly deleted Sandrines' character too. War and friendly was not what she needed right now, what she needed was a drink, sinth ale or not she was here for the atmosphere not to get blind drunk. Sitting on a stool at the bar Kathryn ordered a whiskey straight up and shot it back in one go as soon as it was placed before her. Immediately ordering another this time she sipped the burning liquid and savoured the taste.

Turning on the stool she looked at the pool table and for a moment considered having a game, but she knew it wouldn't be the same. Sighing Kathryn placed her elbow on the bar and took another sip of whiskey, feeling the burning all the way down her throat until it reached her stomach. Kathryn allowed her eyes to slip closed and she took in a deep breath, trying to recall the last time she had been in such a bar, memories that were good ones for her back at her academy days. It was just as the memories started to surface in her mind that she heard the doors to the holodeck open.

Kathryn's eyes snapped open to see Tom Paris standing in the door way looking both interested and cautious at the same time. Kathryn felt her anger rise within her again, she couldn't help it, even though she had not locked the holodeck and this was a registered open programme, Kathryn still felt like she wanted to yell at her helmsman. What was most frustrating was that he was one of the people who had not managed to piss her off recently, until now that was.

"Umm Captain sorry I didn't realise you were in here." Tom started as he ventured forward into the bar more fully now and Kathryn gripped on to her glass so tightly she wondered if it might shatter just by her angry fury alone.

"It's ok Tom I was just having a quiet moment." Kathryn said keeping her voice level, for however angry she was at the moment it was not Tom's fault and he didn't deserve her wrath.

"I was about to do just the same, I wondered who had accessed this programme, it hasn't been used for a while, well by anyone but me that is." Tom said a slight hint of sorrow in his voice and for a moment Kathryn wondered if the sorrow was for the lack of interest in his programme, or sorrow for himself.

"Well I still like it." Kathryn offered wanting Tom to take the hint and leave, but feeling like she had no right to ask him to do so. Tom obviously had other ideas, as he came over to her now and sat down on the stool beside her. He swung his legs around so they were facing the bar; he placed both elbows on its hard surface and beckoned the barman over.

"Hope you don't mind if I join you for a while." Tom said after he ordered the drink. Kathryn wanted to shout at him to leave, and at his audacity to presume it was even ok to sit down in the first place. Taking a deep breath Kathryn emptied her whiskey glass and virtually banged it on the table.

"No problem." She said giving her helmsman what she thought was a convincing smile as she ordered another whiskey. For a moment they were both silent, sitting next to one another contemplating exactly what was going on with the other person. Of course neither of them knew of the others line of thought, and so the silence stretched on. Kathryn watched as Tom took his drink from the bar and slugged it back in a single gulp, she watched as he swallowed his Adams apple bobbing as he did so. His neck looked elegant as it extended backwards and for a moment Kathryn was captivated by the sight. As Tom placed his now empty glass on the bar Kathryn's trance was broken and she quickly finished her own drink to cover up her blatant staring.

"You want another, because I know where Sandrine keeps the real stuff." Tom said turning to her with a wicked glint in his eye. For that brief moment both occupants of the slightly smoky, back end Parisian bar knew why the other was here, they knew because it was like looking in a mirror, the expression was the same. Kathryn gave a quick nod and Tom was off the stool and heading around the back of the bar. The moment broken, but neither of them could have held it for long anyway, to do so would have made one if not both of them crumble in seconds.

"Bottles a little dusty, but like most things it only gets better with age." Tom said and Kathryn could not miss the slightly suggestive tone with which it was delivered. An eyebrow quirk was all Tom received as a reply and coming from this particular woman could even be considered appreciation. Tom uncapped the bottle and a strong smell of scotch filled the room. Sinth ale almost tasted like the real thing, it even almost smelt like it, but when put next to the real stuff it paled in comparison.

"Where did you get this?" Kathryn asked as Tom poured her a healthy sized glass them moved on to his own.

"If I say you're better off not knowing, would you make me tell you?" Tom enquired as he moved back around the bar to join her. Sitting back down on the stool next to Kathryn's she gave him a slight smile and raised her glass.

"Then I guess I will just drink to the fact that you are willing to share it Mr Paris." Kathryn said taking a sip and realising, that not only was the scotch excellent, but also that for the first time in a long time, and she didn't feel angry any more. She also knew it had more to do with the company she was keeping rather than the slight buzz in her head from the drink she had already consumed.

Tom had raised his glass also at Kathryn's toast, he had been surprised to find his Captain here, on what seemed to be a getting drunk alone kind of thing, he could see the look of anger on her face, no matter how much she had tried to hide it. His own sadness had come not from his current working conditions, or any relationship that he was perusing. Or even and like most other member of the crew a slight home sickness. His sadness had come from seeing his Captain so wound up recently. Every time he had seen her she had been looking tired and stressed, and no amount of humour and bridge banter had managed to pull her out of it.

It was no accident that Tom had ended up at the holodeck that night, no Tom had broken a cardinal rule, and he had asked the computer for the Captain's location for personal reasons. He knew he could have explained it if someone should find out. He was worried about her, thought she looked ill, and as a medic on this ship, he was simply making sure she was ok. Having discovered her location he had immediately come to the holodeck to find Sandrines running and the programme set to its open status. Tom had believed it was a sign, that he was meant to find her tonight, now though that belief was being somewhat quashed by Kathryn's obvious dark mood.

Having no idea how to start a conversation with a person who outranked you by miles and who was also liable to snap at any miss step was prolonging the silence after they took their first drink of real scotch whiskey.

"So do you come here often?" Tom decided to open with, falling back on his easy flirty banter both for his sake and hers. It was an easy question to duck if she so chose to, but as Kathryn turned to him Tom could tell she wasn't about to simply brush off his question.

"No in fact this is the first time I have been here alone." Kathryn said with a slight smile indicating to Tom that she would indeed be alone if he had not intruded.

"I see, so what brought you here tonight?" Tom ventured seeing the opening and stepping straight on through. Diplomacy was never Tom's string suit, candour was and right now they could both do with some.

"Oh nothing in particular." Kathryn said now looking away from Tom and taking another sip of her drink. It was the first time she had avoided looking at him as she spoke and Tom knew a doge when he saw one. He was guilty of plenty of them in the past himself.

"Right." Tom breathed out not knowing where to go from here, she was still the captain, and knowing when to push and when to back off was something Tom had learnt quickly under her command.

"I guess I just needed to unwind, I have been feeling a little tense recently." Kathryn conceded hearing the disappointment in Tom's voice and for some unknown reason Kathryn felt like she did owe him some kind of explanation.

"I see, I mean I noticed I guess. You know everyone is ok with being out here you know, yes they would like to get home, but they know you are doing your best, and we have already come so far in such a short space of time." Tom ventured hoping that knowing she had the crews support would ease her burden at least a little.

"I know, and it's not that, sometimes the whole stuck in the Delta quadrant, being alone is so big that it falls into the background because of the latest crisis. Like a constant knocking at the door that you know if you open it you will fall right through and never come back out of again. So you block it out until something comes along that could change it. No it's all the small things that finally wear you down, I didn't even notice until a week or so ago." Kathryn said now facing Tom and looking directly at him. She didn't know why she had confessed the things she had to him of all people. Chacotay would be a far more obvious sauce for her admission, but he wasn't the one here with her now Tom was, and for some reason that didn't surprise her.

"I know what you mean, the other day I was eating dinner with Harry and he was slurping his soup, I nearly threw the entire bowel over his head." Tom said looking back at Kathryn who raised her eyebrow at him and lifted half her mouth in a kind of smile.

"Don't worry I didn't, but I did tell him to stop rather abruptly which earned me some looks from the nearby tables. I suppose it's almost like a cabin fever, same people, same place every day. Whilst it can be a comfort, to have friends around you, and the comfort of your own bed. We all crave a little variety, and at the moment that only comes in the form of some kind of alien attack." Tom replied filling up both glasses as he noticed that they were empty.

Kathryn thanked him with a tilt of her head for the top up, and took a sip, knowing that Tom had a deep side and seeing it were two quite different things. Finding out that they echoed her own thoughts was almost scary.

"I always wondered why we found each other so easy to talk to." Kathryn said as she put her glass down and reclaimed Toms gaze as she spoke.

"No I thought probably because we had the same kind of upbringing, even if our formative years took separate directions." Tom said with a mock smile but Kathryn knew how much he regretted his previous actions. It was never mentioned between them, and probably never would be.

"No because we share the same appreciation for life's solicitudes." Kathryn said seeing Tom's eyebrow raise at her observation but he did not attempt to question her logic. He merely nodded his head and finished his drink.

"So do you think a game of pool would be a good way to unwind?" Tom asked pouring himself another drink and them topping up Kathryn's glass. The measures were slightly smaller now and Kathryn knew that it was not Tom's intention to get her drunk, the alcohol was merely a means to an end, and now that the end was in sight, so the flow of alcohol had slowed with its approaching climax.

"Sure, winning always makes me feel better." Kathryn smirked and Tom just threw her a look of disgust over his shoulder as he picked up a cue. Racking the balls they tossed a coin Tom replicated to see who would break. Tom won and declared that his luck was in tonight and that Kathryn had better watch out. She answered his obvious challenge with a tap on the table and the game began.

After four games and several more drinks they were both missing shots all over the place and Kathryn finally potting the black had to sit down on a nearby chair.

"Tie break." Tom declared as he racked the balls once more and Kathryn waved her hand at him.

"I think I need to take an inhibiter first or I won't even get back to the table." She said as Tom stopped and looked down at her. His eyes filled with mischief and obvious intoxication.

"Good at least then I have a good chance of winning." Tom said as Kathryn stood up and forcefully made her way back to the table.

"You already won two games, I think your well planned sabotage has already paid off." Kathryn said with slight irritation in her voice as Tom folded his arms and looked at her from across the table.

"Planned, what are you trying to accuse me of Kathryn, anyway I am just as far gone as you." Tom said as he lined up his cue to break before he felt a shove on his shoulder.

"Hey it's my turn to break you broke last time." Kathryn said still putting pressure on his shoulder to move him out of her way. Tom looked down at the hand on his upper arm and stood up straight, now looking down at her he grinned.

"You ever wondered if it is simple sexual frustration that is causing all of your tension." Tom said and if he had not been so tipsy she would have immediately regretted the comment, as it was he looked at her and waited for an answer.

"Yes." Her reply was short and to the point, it was totally a Kathryn Janeway answer, but to a question that was not usually within her remit. Tom let out a short sharp laugh, which then turned into a proper having to bend over and support himself with the table laugh. Kathryn looked at him eyebrow raised and arms folded. Considering hitting him with the cur Kathryn finally settled for poking him the side with her finger to get his attention.

"You think that my frustration is funny, well let's see how you like it if I order the doctor to out a monitor on you and get him to give you an electric shock every time you get a cranial urge, then see how you fair." Kathryn warned but the warning fell kind of short as she started laughing at her own childishness. The moment passed as they both collected themselves and took in deep calming breaths.

"No one is stopping you for being with someone Kathryn, the only obstacle is you." Tom said and it had the effect of sobering the mood immediately. Kathryn's face fell to her hands holding her pool cue. She ran them up and down its length nervously. If Tom didn't know any better he would have though she was doing it on purpose to tease him.

"I am the captain; I cannot afford to get personally involved with one of my subordinates. I know that Starfleet wouldn't object, or that the crew would have a problem, but all I can think of is what if it didn't work out, then what, they couldn't get away from me, I would still be their captain, and no one should have to go through that kind of emotional angst." Kathryn said with a sigh as she placed her cue on the table, game forgotten as she felt Tom's hand touch her arm. It was a gentle grip, but was sufficient enough to get her attention. Turning she was slightly shocked by his proximity but did not back away from his look.

"I would be willing to risk it." Tom said his voice coming out in an almost breathy whisper as Kathryn shifted her gaze from eye to eye trying to tell if it was him talking or the scotch. Knowing that this was getting very dangerous, and trying to ignore her attention starved body into submission Kathryn tried to back away. The hand on her arm prevented her from doing so though and she had to halt her retreat.

"Tom this is the drink talking, we are both in an emotional place right now, and have probably said more than we should." Kathryn tried to reason with him as he tilted his head sideways and regarded her with such a soft expression that Kathryn almost melted at his gaze.

"Those things all might be true, but if I had not had a drop of alcohol, and had never had this conversation with you, I would still be sitting in my quarters alone wondering what it would be like to kiss you." Tom's heart was racing a mile a minute at his confession, but he knew he would have few opportunities to say these things to her, and right now was a golden one. To have not said it would have been a far bigger regret than ending up with a broken jaw from uttering the words. Preparing himself for the inevitable right hook for propositioning her Tom was surprised when it didn't come, upon opening his eyes he looked down at Kathryn and saw her battling her own inner daemons. He reached out and placed his hands on her shoulders willing her to open her eyes and look at him. It took her a moment and each second her eyes remained closed Tom held his breath.

Kathryn's battle with her body was almost a losing one, because now her brain had joined in the defiant chorus her hormones were supplying. Kathryn liked Tom, she was in fact attracted to him, and he had a unique ability to make her feel like more than the sum of her pips. Now he was telling her that he wanted her and she could come up with no good reason to deny him. Her own week excuses for his benefit had already been answered, and in truth how could see dictate what other people should feel anyway.

Opening her eyes she saw Tom looking at her with concern, there was something else in his eyes to, an almost unchecked lust that he was unable to hide at this distance. It was all Kathryn needed as she wrapped her arms around his neck and planted her lips upon his. There was no hesitant lips fist, chaste kisses. She drove her mouth onto his like a thirsty man in the desert, allowing her tongue to slip into his mouth as he caressed her side with his hand.

Kathryn began tarring at his clothes knowing that right now they both needed this; there would be time for slow and gentle later. She felt herself being pushed backwards until her bottom came into contact with the pool table. Tom's mouth was making its way down her neck and Kathryn had allowed her head to flop to the side to give him batter access. Pulling his shirt off him as his hands moved down and cupped her bottom, Tom lifted her on to the table. Moving now between her open thighs and pulling off her shirt, throwing it away to join his on the floor.

"Computer secure holodeck doors." Tom called out as he paused in his exploration of Kathryn's chest with his lips. She grunted her approval as her hands found his hair and raked her nails through it as he palmed a breast through her bra. The hiss that came from between her lips told Tom that she was enjoying his administrations and he smiled slightly against her cleavage.

Kathryn was in a world of pleasure as Tom removed her bra and suckled a nipple into his mouth, it was all too much and not enough at the same time and she pressed herself harder into his obliging mouth. Kathryn ran her hands down his thighs until she came into contact with his hardened length. She stroked it through his pants and Tom gave a small grunt at her wanderings.

"Kathryn." He warned as he stepped away from her to look down upon her flushed skin. She eyed him with defiance as he allowed himself a moment to drink in the sight of her. Her hair was falling out of her pony tail, her skin was rosy from the arousal and her chest heaved in and out as she tried to control her breathing. Just looking at her was making his cock twitch and he quickly divested himself of his pants and boxers. Kathryn's smile of approval was enough for Tom as he took a step forward and went straight for the button on her slacks to remove them. Pulling them and her underwear down in one movement Tom had also registered the need in Kathryn.

This was going to be hot, but fast, they had both waited so long that the conclusion was going to be inevitable and speedy. Running his hands up her legs he felt Kathryn move them apart wanting his hands upon her most sensitive region. Tom did not disappoint, finding her wanting he bent down and captured her lips as he slid two fingers inside her and swallowed her moan of pleasure.

Kathryn pressed her hips towards Tom, ignoring the scratchy feel of the nape of the cloth underneath her, somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she would have to find a dermal regenerator after this, but as Tom's finger found her swollen bud the thought flew from her mind as fast as it had entered.

"God yes." She hissed as Tom kissed her again and began moving her back along the table. Removing his fingers from her so he could climb up with her Kathryn groaned at the loss of contact, but was rewarded when Tom settled himself between her thighs. His hard length pushed up against her opening, she could feel his silky heat and she moved her hips so the angle was better. Tom felt himself slip in as Kathryn adjusted herself below him, an obvious granting of her permission to break this finally barrier with her and Tom braced himself on his arms. Looking down at her he saw her looking up at him her arms wrapping around his neck as he began to move within her.

Kathryn wanted to close her eyes to simply feel the pressure building, but holding Tom's gaze was far more appealing, the look of concentration on his face, coupled with that of pure unadulterated pleasure was making her own arousal peek faster than she would have thought possible.

"Fuck Kathryn." Tom grunted out as she wrapped her legs around his waist and he gained deeper access to her. He could feel himself now hitting the neck of her womb and he thought he was going to explode from the pressure. Looking down at Kathryn again he caught her gaze once more before her eyes glazed over and her head snapped back. Her internal muscles clenching as tightly as the ones on the outside. His name falling from her lips in little pants. It was all Tom could take before succumbing to the pressure and with a final trust of his hips buried himself within her depths and exploding within her.

Kathryn heard her name uttered as Tom stilled above her as she felt his hit seed fill her up and his head drop to her breast. They remained like that for a moment, both trying to catch their breath, but also enjoying the simple feel of the other so close. It was Tom who moved first not wanting to crush his far smaller companion and using his hand pulled her off the table to stand next to him.

"Totally worth it." Tom smiled at her as Kathryn attempted to examine her back where she knew she would find significant rugs burns. She could see the ones on Tom's knees and he looked down at them.

"Not the burns, although I don't mind, I meant the risk of us falling out and you still being my captain, that and I hope more of the same is totally worth it." Tom grinned as Kathryn stopped her attempted self-examination to turn and smile at Tom. He looked back at her with the same soft expression that had made her week at the knees earlier.

"I agree, but we are going to have to do something about these burns, hopefully without going to the Doctor, I do not want to have that conversation." Kathryn said as she started to get dressed, much to the disappointment of Tom who also started to dress himself.

"I have a dermal regenerator in my room, it's in my field med kit, you're welcome to come back with me and use it." Tom said suggestively and Kathryn gave him a rueful grin.

"You know Tom I think that's why I like you so much." Kathryn said buttoning up her shirt and following him to the door, where Tom unlocked the security locks and allowed her to step through first.

"Oh and why is that, my charm, my whit, my devilishly good looks?" Tom asked with a grin of his own as they climbed onto the turbo lift and Tom called for his deck.

"No it's all the small things." She said turning to him and giving him a small peck on the cheek.

"I think I can live with that."

THE END

There you go hope you enjoyed that one I hope they weren't too put of character and for once I gave you a happy ending. All feedback welcomed, and please check out my YouTube channel ClaireO'Mack1982 for more Janeway/Paris. Thank you for reading XxX


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